Social network sites have been a big thing for the past 6-7 years, that's nothing new. I have been a Facebook member since the site came out and it was exclusive to college students only. Ah yes, the good old days of facebook when there was no Farmville, no 6th-grader designed layout, and no high school drama or old people. It's interesting to me to see what people deem as worthy information now to share on Facebook as they explore just what this whole "social network" thing is. Generally, people' statuses fall into one of the following categories discussed here. Here's the first example:
(Stream of consciousness as I log onto facebook)
Go, Go, Gadget Google Chrome.
http://www.facebook.com/
username, password entered
"Sarah Jones has the best boyfriend in the world!"
...why the fuck do I care about Sarah's significant other, let alone the gratuitous title with which he was bestowed?
(end stream of cosciousness)
When people post these types of things, I want them to think of their target audience. Okay, their 'friends', fine. But being that they are your 'friends', shouldn't they already know how Sarah feels about her boyfriend? Basically, nothing of value was said, no new information was provided, no entertainment was supplied, and most importantly nothing was actually pertinent to the reader. So ultimately this wasn't a status update... it was more like that 2 year old crying in the restaurant so her mother would pay attention to her. Let's call these the "GA" updates(or Girlfriends Anonymous. Hi, my name is Sarah, and I'm addicted to my shitty boyfriend).
Let's take another example- The people with the shitty mundane answers that you hate even reading on texts, hearing on the phone etc. You know the "sittin on the couch watchin tv". It's then that you think, "Wow, I truly have been blessed to be friends with this modern day Aristotle." I mean, what are you even supposed to say in response to that? In texts you can at least say "cool" or something, but on Facebook? There's no real response that can work unless you totally change the subject of the original post- which basically says "your post is shit, I'm ignoring it, and changing the topic entirely". So really you "TV Dinner and Loneliness" Kids, save your useless status updates up and buy another bag of Chili Cheese Fritos.
The other annoying types of posts you see are the ones complaining of things everyone experiences everyday- homework, work, tiredness, hunger, etc. Yet every update these people make it seem as though they are the Christopher Colombus of sleep deprivation, the Benjamin Franklin of Labor Rights encroachment, the Charlie Sheen of malnourishment. All of these things have been experienced before, we know what they are and we don't need to hear that you hate work or that you're swamped with homework- we've all been there and it's a moot point- kind of like trying to say Justin Bieber isn't a tween (too old for toys, too young for boys). I don't have some clever little name for these.
Originally, this wasn't really my point was to just break down the different types of posts you see on Facebook and how shitty they are. There are really many more types of posts that are ultimatley useless (the spiritual ones, the rap song/godfather/scareface quote ones, etc). The real point I wanted to make was that social network sites are a paradox. These sites are based around the idea that you are going to share thoughts, pictures, links, etc that others can comment on and share these things back. However, what seems to happen more commonly is people more or less just making statements that don't really offer any substance or entertainment to anyone else's life. (Which when you think about it, is reason why we socialize in the first place).
taking this a bit deeperWhen we're out with our friends and someone says "I'm Hungry", the common response (if any) is "Do you want to go get something to eat?". Otherwise, it's really basically a lull in the conversation and doesn't really have any point in being said at all. However, status updates, sort of by definition are things we might call "topics" or "main ideas" of our conversations. Being that the people reading your status update are not with you, things like "Im hungry" don't really have any relevance to anyone since it's not like you and that person are going to just go get something to eat based on a status update (most likely).
What seems to have been happening with these social networking sites is that people feel they are granted a cyber kingdom to rule over, and that every word they type is the law of the land. When the queen/king speaks, everyone is supposed to listen and become immediately concerned. Then when no one responds to one text, they nervously make another post a half hour later to make sure their peons are still responsive. It seems that most of these people who post these sort of rhetorical status updates that no one cares about are by ones we refer to in the psychology field as "self-absorbed", or "attention seeker", or "a woman".
Now some may call it ironic that I'm blogging to tell you the world doesn't give a damn what you have to say on the internet, but there is an explanation, my good friend. I have created this blog with more of an "information pull" mentality in mind (I'm not force-feeding you crappy 10th grade girl updates about her first boyfriend). When people blog, I consider them more like books or movies- you elect to read them for their entertainment value, intellectual value, or at the very least to give you something to do when you're bored. I don't necessarily call my postings entertaining or intellectual since those words are purely subjective, but I do hope to put those thoughts in the back of your mind to words. All of those not-friends of yours on Facebook who've been flooding your precious Live Feed space...the brunette from your High School, the guy you worked with at the Cinnabon, that chick from the dive bar. These people needed called out, and called them out I did.
First off, LET ME WELCOME YOU TO MY FIRST POST. I'm sure you are extremely excited about my first post. I think this post is going really well. What a great post this is. This post is so meta it isn't even funny.
Anyways, enough description of the self-awareness of this post for a second. What I am really trying to do here is sort of give a back drop of what I'm trying to accomplish here.
I am an author, songwriter, consultant, friend, tax payer, non-organ donor who has been thrown from suburbia to university to bumfuck nowhere to metropolis. In the process, it's been a wild process of attempting to establish a sense of normalcy through it all, self exploration, and extroverted adventures all in the hope to basically make my life worth something. In an over-generalized sense, it has been pure ecstacy, extruciatingly depressing, and a mix of Gary Busey/Charlie Sheen crazy (I know this is nothing profound as everyone has some similiar range of emotions, but fear not, dubious reader). This blog is my attempt to pass on my knowledge, observations, and "witty" banter with the hopes of entertaining and enlightening.
With that being said, I sure as hell hope I don't need to explain the name of the blog to you now. If however, your Jersey Shore-saturated mind can't figure it out let me illustrate it for you. I was at a work potluck lunch not too long ago and I assumed my regular position in such social occasions when I'm not really friends with anyone nor are there any moderately attractive girls around- I got my food, stood against the wall and listened to tidbits of conversations. I tend to do this a lot, and sort of piece together what I think people are like outside of work, outside the expectations of social interactions with people they don't know well. In doing so I picked up the following nuggets of information:
(blue denotes my off-topics, that of which are of extreme importance)
1. Even while on lunchbreak, for an event that is supposed to be "social" and to help promote bonding between coworkers, nine times out of ten people talk about work.
2. People tend to inflate their responsibilities and self worth incredibly out of proportion.
The first one I think is more of a nervous, don't-know-what-to-talk-about type of reaction. What could be safer, and be sure not to offend anyone than talking about work? Generally for me, if I'm not at my desk or in a meeting, the last thing on my mind is work...and I sure as hell don't want to talk about it. But hey, to each their own.
The second one is kind of evident when people start talking about their jobs and responsbilities- you hear them using terms like "nightmare", or "pile of work on my desk" or "overworked", or "anal rapeage" (okay, the last one maybe not quite as common in the C-level settings) when referring to what they've been doing with their time. Then these people often use that as an excuse to get out of the social gathering a bit early...the corporate dine-and-dasher. Being that I have virtually the same exact tasks as my colleagues of the same title, I tend to call bullshit. I sometimes wonder what it is they do that makes them take so God damn long on a 15 minute task? (blank stares at a powerpoint? I don't know)
Anyway, at said luncheon, this girl came up to me and told me "Hey, you look familiar, what's your name?" We had a meeting together a month or so ago and I told her that's where she knew me from. Then she told me, "You can't be a wallflower forever, come over and hang with us." It was at that moment that I had the self-realization, "Shit, I guess I am a wallflower." It wasn't because I didn't know what a wallflower was, nor did I necessarily think it was a bad thing, I just never really thought of that as being an accurate depiction of myself (which actually is a great one, seeing as I rarely talk in social conversations and retreat into my mind all the time).
The second part of title, Megaphone, is because the asshole with the megaphone gets his point across no matter how stupid what he's saying sounds. If the camp counselor tells you its time to make popsicle stick depiction of the Holocaust, you do it. If the cop at the Third Eye Blind concert tells you to put your pants back on, you do it. It's just that simple.
So here's to you, my devout reader, my pantsless concert goer, my socially-awkward luncher. I'm here as the wise old sage to pass down all of my grasshopper knowledge onto YOU.
