The Truth About Growing Up

For us twenty-somethings, the majority of our rememberable lives was spent in some sort of educational facility- be it pre school, public school, college, etc.  Because of that we are still kind of new to the whole "real world", as people call it.  But even with all of the schooling we received, the lessons we learned, some things never really sank in or were never actually told to us.  For those of you in my situation (a young professional as some call it, or  bullshitting-noob as more accurately defined), you may or may not have come to the same conclusions yet.  As for the baby birds still in college waiting to leave the nest, here are some juicy worms of reality to help you grow big and strong.


1. There's no milestones in life to measure our successes anymore


In school, at the end of every year you would be able to give a summary of everything that you had learned.  Basically, life fit neatly into little leftover containers in our mind's refigerator, labeled sophmore year-2007, junior year-2008, etc.  In each of those containers we could see that we at least made progress in some area of our lives, like learning a new language or trig.  This gave us some way of measuring ourselves as growing individuals, and with that be able to define who we are.


But beware baby birds, what you became accustomed to in the nest doesn't translate into the "real world".  Once you've ventured off into the "real world", life becomes much more amorphous and and less malleable at the same time.  What I mean by that is that you will no longer have clear-cut labels for growing like you did in school, AND you won't have as much of a say in how you spend your time in order to attempt to grow.  When you're in the work world, at the end of the year you kind of look back at your past 12 months and go- "So in conclusion, I did some stuff and I went to work. Oh, and I learned that there's this new Mexican place in town that has great fajitas!"  Life becomes much more drab and mundane, since you're not being fed new information on a regular basis and being encouraged to come up with new ideas (Actually in most jobs, new ideas are secretly discouraged).


But how is it less malleable than a college life, right?  I mean you have money now since you work, you could spend extra cash that on vacations, classes, 3D TVs.  Theoretically you can.  But what they kind of forget to tell you about the whole independent-living thing is that you have BILLS, not to mention your free time ranks somewhere as little as Lil' Wayne's musical talent.  So now you're getting that income to spend on fun things like $100 electric bills, $1500 in rent for your 1 bedroom, and $2000 worth of other expenses.  That still doesn't really give much room for your backpacking in Thailand or any other wordly adventures.  Oh yeah, and you waste 10 hours + with commuting/working everyday, and get 7-10 days vacation to last you an entire year. 

"Don't spend all your free time in one place!  Actually, don't spend it ever." -Hypothetical Grandma

2.  Anything goes because there was never a class on what to expect

Like most people born in the mid 80s,  it's still somewhat of a struggle to adapt to this everchanging world we live in.  Not only do we have our jobs to worry about, then we have social lives, tech lives, and family lives to worry about (more description on these later).  We don't even realize it but we're setting precedents for kids under us...just like the generation before us unknowlingly did for us.

When we were at that young and obnoxious age between 7-20 (age range may vary in either direction), we looked at people older than us for examples on what we should and shouldn't do.  Just like we have no course or diploma on how to be a functioning adult, they didn't either.  When we were young, people my age (I'm 24 now) were men/women, and almost like another species of beings all together.  These were the teachers who would go home and sit quietly until the next day of school would begin (because all teachers are actually androids), but adults in general had shit figured out.  No matter what, you could count on someone 20-70 to know what the world is all about.  But now that we're at this age ourselves, I think it's safe to call bullshit.  All people did, and what they continue to do is what they feel like...with whatever excuse they come up with. 

So how are we setting precedents for younger generations?  Well think about it...we're at an awkward time in our lives where we're still trying to figure out our responsibilities: Are we supposed to send Christmas cards to our family and friends?  Are we too old for video games?  Do girls frown upon us playing them? If so, why?  Is it acceptable for people outside of college to be on Facebook?  At what point do we become "too old" for silly Facebook/Twitter updates, and it becomes cheesy?  When are we considered "too old" to tailgate, or to visit our college for the festivals and events we used to love?  Is it okay to live in my Mom's basement?  These are the kinds of things I was never faced with as a youth for various reasons, and for the tech type things because the shit didn't even exist yet.  So yeah, is there a wikiHow on being a functioning adult?

3. Your circle of friends gets exponentially smaller

This can of course vary from person to person and their connections with their friends, but in general life tends to seperate those buddies from high school or college you thought would be friends for life.  I remember back in High School I had a friend of about 7 years that we made a promise to be the best man in each other's weddings (we probably thought it would follow with light string music, leading to a sequence of meeting some hot chick we fall in love with and eventually marry.  Hell, that's what happens in the movies, right?).  Where is he today?  I haven't talked to him for about four years.  It's not like we had a falling out or anything, just that he became busy working and involved with baby mama drama and I...well, didn't.

So then since our jobs rip us apart from friends and families like the Nazis, most of us are placed into a city we've never lived before forced to start from scratch.  This is great!  A chance to start over, and define yourself as an adult in the real world, right?  In theory that's great, but look at the previous two points and you can see the main problems:

1. Neither of you will have much time for each other

2. Neither of you know what the fuck your place in the world really is

Mix those things with the fact that it becomes increasingly difficult to meet new people, and you can see how easy it is to become a hermit, even in a city of three million people.  The most obvious place to meet new people is at work, which you may assume is pretty similar to meeting people say from your economics class.  In those college days, people in general are a lot more at ease, since it ultimately doesn't matter what a peer thinks of them.  However, when you meet someone at work there's guards that you put up so you don't get fired.  People tend to tip-toe around any conversation that might have depth to it and stick to light topics...fun topics like weather, or garden hoses.  Add on top that at a lot of companies coworkers will have families, be much much older than you, or in general have literally nothing in common with you, you can definitely see how this could lead to a less-than-stellar social life.  Yes, thanks a lot employment, you cock block me from girls AND friends. 

4. Miscellaneous

A few miscellaneous notes for those interested:

-There are no more summers.  I can't emphasize the impact of this enough- there is no more "blank page" between each of the chapters of our lives where we can go to the beach and have irresponsible endless nights.  There is no more time to soul search in the drive through of the McDonalds at 2AM.  There are no more road trips to somewhere you heard was cool, just going because it sounded cool.  Lastly and perhaps most importantly, there is no more waking up at noon, watching Nick Jr., going swimming AND playing volleyball the same day, only to repeat the process the next day.

-If someone says they're confident with their life and know what it is they want, they are full of shit.  What we want at this exact moment in our lives will most likely change in a year after we've had more experience in our current situation.  This world of ours is still too new to us to know much of anything.

-Revelations will come to you about life every couple years, where you reevaluate yourself, laugh about what you once thought, and convince yourself you know what life is all about for sure now.  Then you recycle ideas from before, create new ones, and constantly attempt to define yourself in this crazy world.

5.  The Perks

Being grown up isn't really all that bad, though (that was the first time I've ever actively acknowledged being grown up...I almost felt a chill).  There is the powerful-man-in-the-suit-card we can play for women now.  It holds a lot more weight now that we wear a suit and don't work at the Chik-Fil-A. 

The whole not having time thing is only partially true.  In some ways we have the potential to have more time, since we don't get homework (but depending on job, you may get overtime).  Also, depending on where you live, commuting can help you find the joys of a little ancient hobby called reading.  (Seriously, find a topic you like and google books about it.  If you're really not creative and need spoon fed everything, google books like your favorite movie and prepare to be mind-fucked.  You'll find now that you're out of college and not assigned to read, that it's actually not ripping off your fingernails or killing your first borns.)

Lastly, know you're not alone.  Everyone is constantly going through the same reevaluation/reestablishing process.  We're all just boys and girls going through our second puberty...if we hold hands and wish for butterflies and non-subsidized housing, we can make for a better future!